Because of You
by BigTimeRush-BTR
Summary: Even when he is trapped, when he feels lost, scared, abandoned, and like he no longer can hold on, he doesn't give up. Because he has him, and the pain and wait is worth it as long as he has him.


**100th story... I can't believe it. I would just like to thank everybody who has ever read, reviewed, favorited, followed, and/or encouraged me to keep writing. I can't thank any of you enough. But... thank you, to all of you.**

**This story is dedicated to someone who has supported me from day one... Who has helped me, put up with me, and been there for me through a whole freaking lot... This is dedicated to Ajay (BTRElevate24seven). Ajay, thank you, for _everything_. I can't find the right words to thank you, but thank you. I love you so much... So, so much.**

**I would also like to thank several more people, some of whom are my friends, some of whom I rarely talk to, and some of whom I have lost connection with... First of all Sara (winterschild11). Thank you, Sara, for everything you have done for me. Thank you so much. Sarah (swagUPwindowsDOWN), Erika (AkireAlev), Giselle (A. Martin), Neha (realmsoffreedom), Shinny (Chinatsu Araki), Raven (A Raven of Emotions), Tracy (LittleWing), Jasmine (TotallyLosingIt), Angel (SisAngel), Rachel (KendallMySpidermanInTheVans), Dany (JendallRusher), Jamie (Fangfan1)... and everybody else... thank you.**

* * *

He shoots up in bed, fear holding onto him with a mighty grip. He finds it hard to breathe and even harder for him to stop his heart from beating so wildly against his chest - not that he can control that, anyway. It happens every night, every single one, and he is tired of it. He is utterly sick of this feeling, and because of it he fears going to sleep every night. He feels like a coward for being so scared. When sleeping he is supposed to be at peace, but that is far from how he feels.

"Kendall, are you alright?" Logan asks as he sits up on his bed, tiredly rubbing the drowsiness from his eyes. When he receives no audible response, he turns to the nightstand in between their beds and turns on the lamp that is sitting atop of it. Looking back at Kendall he takes notice of the state he is in. He notices the way he forces in every breath, the way he is leaning forward, and the way he looks as if he is about to break down any minute now. Rather than ask him if he is alright once again, he swings his legs over the side of the bed and makes his way over to Kendall's bed and sits on top of it.

"Kendall," Logan whispers gently and takes ahold of Kendall's shaking hands in his own. "It's alright, Kendall. It's okay, baby," he coos, doing his best to calm down the distraught boy. The blond is still looking down, so Logan isn't quite sure what kind of emotion is written across his face, and frankly, he doesn't want to see it. He hates seeing Kendall when he is this upset and frightened, even though he should be used to it by now. It's been weeks now since the incident happened, and ever since then, he has had to deal with this every night. Seeing his boyfriend like this breaks his heart into pieces. He knows he does not deserve it, but unfortunately, that does not seem to matter, for if it did, he wouldn't be struggling with this.

"Baby, look at me," Logan says softly and rubs Kendall's arm in what he hopes is a comforting manner. The younger boy doesn't respond, not at all. His breathing has somewhat gone back to normal, but the trembling of his hands is just as bad as before. "It was just a nightmare, Ken. He's not here to hurt you. He's gone," he whispers. He then lets go of Kendall's left hand and lifts the boy's chin up with his fingertips, finally managing to make eye contact with him. But he wishes he hadn't done so.

Tears have gathered in Kendall's green eyes; the beautiful green eyes that he has come to love so much; the ones that were once filled (and at rare times are still filled) with pure joy and happiness. They used to shine so brightly, but now they are dull, filled with sadness, fear, and of course, pain. His bottom lip is trembling, as if he is going to let the waterworks finally fall. And he is right; a tear falls at that very moment, and before Logan can wipe it away, more of them fall.

"H-He isn't g-gone," Kendall stutters before a sob slips from his lips. "He won't leave me alone." Once that is said, he falls into Logan's awaiting arms and curls up onto his lap. With his face buried against Logan's chest, he wraps his fingers around a small portion of the brunette's t-shirt. He clings to it as if it were his lifeline. Logan, in return, wraps his arm around Kendall's waist and pulls him closer, then letting one of his hands move to Kendall's hair, which he ruffles with gentleness. He wants to cry, because seeing Kendall fall apart like this is absolutely heartbreaking and he can barely take it. But he can and he has to. He must be strong, not for himself but for Kendall, because right now he needs him more than ever before.

"Yes, he is, Kend-"

Kendall stops him in mid-sentence as he looks up with teary eyes and shakes his head from side to side. "Every...body tells me he's gone. Th-That he'll never touch me. But you don't understand. The memories are not gone... I don't know if they e-ever will be." And Logan knows. Logan knows perfectly fine what Kendall had meant when he said that the monster who had hurt Kendall was not gone. He wasn't stupid - he knew that Kendall could still remember the traumatic event, because it was engraved in his memory. Maybe not forever. Maybe with time it would fade away, but for now, every little detail was as clear as the stars in a cloudless night.

Logan sighs softly and presses his forehead against Kendall's with his eyes closed tightly. When he opens them after a couple of seconds, Kendall is staring back at him, confusion clouding his vision. "I know, Kendall, I know. But I swear, he will _never_ come near you again. He will have to walk through my dead body in order to get to you. He lays one single finger on you, and I swear I will murder him."

"I'm just so scared. I'm so scared he will come back and hurt me, or even worse, you or somebody else. I'm scared the memories won't go away. I'm scared of so many things. He was right when he c-called me weak, when he said I had no guts to defend myself. But I tried, Logie, I swear I tried. He was just too... He was too strong." Kendall trailed off and shielded his face against Logan's clothed chest. From the hold Logan had on him, he could tell that he was crying once more. His back trembled, or more like his whole body trembled with each sob. Logan didn't know how much more he could take.

Thinking to himself, he wraps an arm behind Kendall's legs and behind his back and lifts him off the mattress. For someone his size, this would have been a hard task for Logan, but Kendall had lost a noticeable amount of weight, so it isn't that hard for him to carry him anymore. The blond looks up at Logan questioningly, but he says nothing.

Logan walks out of the room, pushing the bedroom door closed with his back. He walks into the living room and lowers Kendall onto the bright orange sectional couch there. "Lift your head up," he whispers, which Kendall obliges. He sits down where Kendall's head had previously been and allows the taller boy to lower his head to his lap. He threads his fingers in Kendall's blond locks, until Kendall sits up and cuddles up against his side, his head replacing his lap with his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Kendall says. "I'm sorry you have to see me like this. I know it must be... far from easy for you. I don't like putting you through this."

"It's my choice," is Logan's reply. "You are not holding a gun to my head and demanding me to do any of this, I chose to. Yes, it's hard. It is very, very hard and I'm not going to lie and say it's a walk in the park. But I'd do it a thousand times over if I had to," he says. "However, I'm not the one having to _actually_ go through it. So I can only imagine what you are going through."

"I don't think you want to know," Kendall whispers.

"Yeah, you don't want to know either, trust me."

Kendall sighs. He lifts his head and looks up at Logan with pleading eyes. Before Logan can speak, Kendall lifts a hand to press against his cheek and leans forward, pressing his lips against the shorter boy's. When he pulls back, he looks down and leans his forehead against Logan's shoulder. "How will I ever thank you for everything you do and have done for me? How will I ever repay you?" he asks.

Logan smiles sadly. "You don't have to. Allowing me to love you is enough."

Kendall looks up at him with a quizzical look.

"Whether you believe it or not, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so thankful for having you in my life, and allowing me to be the one you come to, the one to hold you up, the one to own your heart... Nothing, and I mean _nothing_ could ever top that."

Kendall wants to cry some more. He wants to slap Logan silly, because, God, he adores him. He adores him, and he hates it and loves it at the same time. Hates it because Logan can practically turn him into putty with his words. He can turn him into this lovesick fool even at a time like this, and he can't help but smile at what Logan has said. But he loves it. He loves this, and not because he has someone who loves him so deeply, but because he doesn't have just anybody. He has _Logan_, and he loves Logan. Loves him far more than he has ever loved anybody, and he can't deny it.

"I... I don't even know what to say," he says honestly. "I know not anybody would put up with someone like me, but you do, and to this day I have no idea why."

Logan smiles. "Simple answer: I love you." And Kendall can't take it anymore. He lets the tears fall.

"I love you too... I love you so much."

Logan presses him against his body and kisses his forehead. He waits for Kendall to fall asleep, but it takes more time than he expected, and unwillingly he ends up falling asleep first. Kendall listens to the steady beat of Logan's heart and closes his eyes, but sleep doesn't come his way. Night soon turns to day, yet he lies awake, but he doesn't really care, because he would much rather lie here in Logan's warm and loving embrace than be plagued by nightmares. Yes, he definitely does.

* * *

**This can either end here or continue... That is up to you guys. Do you want it to be a one-shot or multi-chapter? Once again, thank you...**

**~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)**


End file.
